Bible Trivia: The Picture of Consistency

In Nahum 1:2, the prophet opens by explaining that god is:

A:  jealous

B:  vengeful

C:  filled with wrath

D:  filled with hate

 sure, brand news shoes look great...but they hurt like hell

ANSWER:  A,B & C

 The Lord is a jealous and avenging God;
    the Lord takes vengeance and is filled with wrath.

 Wow, god is really riled up.  I wonder why?

 a poem...no shit?

This paints a different picture of god than the typical church goer has.

 
 You will notice that god in the old testament was a bit of a maniac, but somewhere around the birth of his first son he mellowed out a bit.
 

 i think its because kids don't mind being dressed up like pets do

Bible Trivia: Rejoice and Be Glad!

In Matthew 5:11, Jesus says that when someone insults you for being a christian that:

A:  you are blessed

B:  you must bring them the word of god

C:  you must abide by law

D:  you must smote them

 coming soon from Wisdom Tree Inc

 ANSWER:  A

 ¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

This should be the number one passage quoted for people.

for chrissakes, lighten up Bill

No one follows this preachment.  No one.  People are highly defensive of their religion and their personal beliefs.  But the next time anyone is giving someone else grief over their beliefs just lean in and say "Jesus says your blessed."

 i'm sure they will thank you

Bible Trivia: Heads Up! Or Down!

In Judges 9:50-55, Abimelek begs his assistant to kill him because:

A:  he has wrong the lord

B:  he had committed immoral sex

C:  god had ordered it

D:  he did not want to be killed by a woman

Do you know how many people wish they could kill their boss?

ANSWER:  D

⁵⁰ Next Abimelek went to Thebez and besieged it and captured it. ⁵¹ Inside the city, however, was a strong tower, to which all the men and women—all the people of the city—had fled. They had locked themselves in and climbed up on the tower roof. ⁵² Abimelek went to the tower and attacked it. But as he approached the entrance to the tower to set it on fire, ⁵³ a woman dropped an upper millstone on his head and cracked his skull.
⁵⁴ Hurriedly he called to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and kill me, so that they can’t say, ‘A woman killed him.’” So his servant ran him through, and he died. ⁵⁵ When the Israelites saw that Abimelek was dead, they went home.

Another guy that thinks helmets just don't look cool.

Don't feel bad, Abimelek wasn't a real nice guy.

he killed his 70 brothers; talk about sibling rivalry...

Bible Trivia: Judge Judy Ain't Got $#!% On Me!

In Matthew 5:40, during the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says that if "anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt" you should:

A:  forgive them

B:  counter sue

C:  give them your coat

D:  pray for god to smote them

 you want his shirt?

ANSWER:  C

 ⁴⁰ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.

To take a look at this full verse, here is what Jesus said:

³⁸ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’^{[h] 39} But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. ⁴⁰ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. ⁴¹ If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. ⁴² Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

This may sound nice but it's very poor advice really.  It is obvious that violence begets violence, but is pacifism the way to go?

The reality is that it is unfair to judge these preachings as teaching on how to sustain civilization, since they are really just recommendations on how to act in preparation of death.

you know, to prepare for the end of days and all that jazz

Bible Trivia: Stand By Your Man

In Deuteronomy 25:11-12, Moses warns women that when they defend their husbands they should:

A:  avoid using weapons

B:  avoid touching their genitals

C:  avoid killing anyone

D:  avoid killing anyone under 15

dating a ninja must be awesome...most of the time

ANSWER:  B

 ¹¹ If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, ¹² you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

 What?

 Rosario is still gonna be super hot with only one hand

Did this really happen often enough that it needed to be written down?  Or were Jews just really sensitive about their crotch region?

It seems like it would be more of an honest mistake in a tussle with someone trying to beat your husband to a pulp, but the rules are the rules I guess...

For more please visit the TheBrickTestament.com

Bible Trivia: They Called Him "Bo"

In Matthew 19:10-12, Jesus said that one way to get into heaven is to:

A:  give up your worldly posessions

B:  pray every day

C:  kill an Amalekite

D:  castration

 you best do what he says

ANSWER:  D

¹⁰ The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
¹¹ Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. ¹² For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Well, that turned on us quickly...

according to the movie Alexander, they look kinda like this

That's one sexy man!  But not for you ladies!

the reality is far different

The good news here is that Jesus isn't specifically saying that you should take a weed whacker to your genitals, but he doesn't seem opposed to it either.

For more please visit the TheBrickTestament.com

Bible Trivia: I'm a Little Bit Country

In Deuteronomy 22:23-24, Moses says that if a man sleeps with a virgin within the city who is pledged to be married her family must:

A:  banish their daughter

B:  stone their daughter

C:  stone both of them

D:  receive 50 shekles and and a marriage request

Young heartbreak.  So devastating.  So trivial.

ANSWER:  C


²³ “If a young woman who is a virgin is betrothed to a husband, and a man finds her in the city and lies with her, ²⁴ then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry out in the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbor’s wife; so you shall put away the evil from among you.

 For more, please visit TheBrickTestament.com

Know what the best part about this whole law?  If you read  carefully you notice that the words "in the city" appear.  That's important because of the next passage:

²⁵ “But if a man finds a betrothed young woman in the countryside, and the man forces her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die.  

 This more or less gives country girls a license to be slutty.

 Yee Haw!

Bible Trivia: Break your Momma's Back

In John 2: 13-16, when Jesus finds merchants operating in the temple courts he:

A:  gets annoyed

B:  preaches to them

C:  builds a whip

D:  smotes them

 You never would guess I'm from the middle east, would ya?

ANSWER:  B

¹³ When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. ¹⁴ In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. ¹⁵ So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. ¹⁶ To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”

 a truly biblical butt-kicking

Jesus doesn't just get upset...he builds a whip.

 easy peasy

He sits down and builds a weapon to use to wail on merchants.  It's not like he just grabbed any chunk of wood laying around and whacked people out of anger, he meticulously built a whip so that he could give them a nice beating.

Not very peaceful, but at the same time you won't hear many people upset about this parable.

Bible Trivia: ShamWow!

In Judges 3:31, the bible introduces Shamgar and explains that he is famous for:

A:  saving Israel

B:  circumcising many tribes

C:  killing 600 Philistines with a cattle prod

D:  seeing god's back 

What do you mean "Who the heck is Shamgar!"

ANSWER:  A & C

³¹ After Ehud came Shamgar son of Anath, who struck down six hundred Philistines with an oxgoad. He too saved Israel.

Yup, he killed 600 guys with a wooden stick.  Now, perhaps he actually did this.  Maybe he snuck up on people while they were asleep and bonked them on the head.  

But I think what the Bible really means that he took on 600 Philistines with whatever he happened to gave on hand, Matrix style.

Not sure why this story is in the Bible, what it's significance is, or why it is an important.  But it's memorable.

 Farming has never been so metal...

Richard Dawkins versus John Lennox

There are few apologists that get my blood up more than Lennox does.  Despite his grandfatherly looks and portly build, Lennox is a skill debator, smarmy and cocksure through and through.   Many of his beliefs are completely inane and rooted in bronze age myth, but he manages to gracefully dance across the minefield of logic and evidence, all the while sputtering non sequiturs and semantics.  It's highly impressive, bordering on art.

There are few people that can put lipstick on felonious religious ham as well as Lennox, and for that very reason, I had to put this on my blog.

I may hate him.  The way he argues drives me absolutely crazy.  And I completely disagree with him about just about everything.  

But I respect his skills. 

I was considering tearing into his arguments and posting responses for some of his stupidest points, but this is a debate.  And that is just a waste of time.  Watch for yourself and learn something.

Bible Trivia: Nineteen Eighty-Four

In Matthew 5:27, Jesus cites the commandment "You shall not commit adultery" and explains that:

A:  the unmarried are holy in god's eyes

B:  looking at someone lustfully is a crime 

C:  it leads to immoral sex

D:  circumcision is a holy act

Look, its nothing against you guys, hats just mess up my hair.

<sup>ANSWER:  B

27</sup> “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^{[e] 28} But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹ 

^{Players aren't raised...they are born...}

^{Well, doesn't this just suck?  It's bizarre because that means that places like Hooters and the Tilted Kilt are hell machines.}

I'll have a Miller Lite, an order of buffalo wings and a first class ticket to hell

^{The idea of thought crime is perhaps one of the stupidest ideas ever proposed.  If you even think about doing something bad, despite not doing it, you are guilty of it anyway.}

 ^{Clear your mind and think happy thoughts...}

^{Most of the world does not believe this obviously, but it doesn't stop some of the more fundamentally religious from trying to follow it.}

^{Pictured Above:  typical women from two different cultures}

^{It is completely insane to try to hold people liable for things they cannot control, and our thoughts are simply not one of them.}