James Van Praagh's Amazing Failure

This blog is about religion more than anything, but when I stumbled across the video I couldn't help but post it.

It features psychic James Van Praagh doing a "reading" that is totally uncut.  It is perhaps the most brutal example of failing at what is called a "cold reading" that I have ever seen.

A "cold reading" is essentially when someone makes educated guesses about you based on your appearance and responses to questions.  When done correctly, it can create the illusion that the "psychic" knows things about you that he couldn't possibly know without some sort of magical powers.  

This is a unique example of what can happen when the reading goes horribly wrong.

Bible Trivia: I'm a Slave 4 U

In Luke 12:47-49, Jesus mentions that rebellious slaves will:

A:  be masters in the next life

B:  be welcomed into god's kingdom

C:  be beaten lightly

D:  be beaten heavily

 listen up, because my dad isn't playing around here

 ANSWER:  D

⁴⁷ “The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. ⁴⁸ But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Jesus was ok with slavery.  Most people don't know this.

about that...

 He explains that people that fail to do right will be punished, but people unaware of their misdeeds won't be punished as hard.

 How hard is "hard?"

 Exodus 21

 ²⁰ “Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result, ²¹ but they are not to be punished if the slave recovers after a day or two, since the slave is their property.

wow, that's brutal

Let's just remember who is saying to beat your slaves only to the level which they deserve it.

 this guy

Bible Trivia: Don't Tattle

In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus says that name calling can result in:

A:  sin

B:  damnation

C:  tears

D:  hatred

 "L" is for "you"

 ANSWER:  B

 ²¹ “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,^[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ ²² But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister^[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’^[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

 So Jesus elevates name calling to be in the same league as murder.

 poor Mr. T

 Apparently if you called someone "raca," which was the Aramaic equivalent of "dumbass," you are in trouble.

seems a bit stiff...

 What is particularly strange about this passage is that Jesus says that you shouldn't call people fools, yet he does so himself...to his own apostles!

Matthew 23:17

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred?

Luke 11:40

New International Version (NIV)

⁴⁰ You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also?

Luke 24:25

New International Version (NIV)

²⁵ He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken!

Well, this won't be the first nor the last silly thing that Jesus says or does.  I mean he did appear to this woman on her grilled cheese sandwich.

Bible Trivia: Luck of the Draw

In Exodus, 34: 4-7, Moses chisels new tablets and carried them up Mount Sinai, and prays to god saying:

A:  god is good because he punishes the children of the wicked

B:  god is good because he is compassionate

C:  god is slow to anger

D:  god is very forgiving

 I leave you guys alone for five minutes 
and you go and do this...

 ANSWER:  ALL OF THE ABOVE

⁴ So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the Lord had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. ⁵ Then the Lord came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. ⁶ And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, ⁷ maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”

 yeah!  I said it.  whatch'a gonna do, sucka.

Let's break this down:

the compassionate and gracious God

Ok...

slow to anger

That's a good thing.

 abounding in love and faithfulness

excellent, I like you too

 maintaining love to thousands

only an all powerful and benevolent force could do that

forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin

well, I'm sold on this concept

Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished

That's fair...

 he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation

Ok, you lost me.

How is this even close to fair?  How do you punish someone for something that their parents did before they were even conceived?

dude, bummer...

You won't find anyone that supports this notion anymore.  Christians soften the message the best they can and chalk it up to Moses and god referring to some sort of causation justice.  

 

Bible Trivia: Apple Anyone?

In Mark 16: 16-18, Jesus tells his followers that they can:

A:  regrow lost limbs

B:  handle snakes

C:  fight tigers

D:  battle demons

 and that's how you make a robe out of toilet paper

ANSWER: B


 ¹⁶ Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. ¹⁷ And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; ¹⁸ they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

Handle snakes?

 I call this little guy Mr. Bubbles

From Wikipedia:

George Went Hensley (1880–1955) introduced snake handling practices into the Church of God (Cleveland, Tennessee), circa 1910.^[2] He later resigned his ministry and started the first holiness movement church to require snake handling as evidence of salvation.^[3][4] Sister-churches later sprang up throughout the Appalachian region.^[1]

 wow!  perhaps this stuff is real after all

Some of the leaders in these churches have been bitten numerous times, as indicated by their distorted extremities. Hensley himself, the founder of modern snake handling in the Appalachian Mountains, died from fatal snakebite in 1955.^[6]


Oh, perhaps not...


Interestingly enough, when you go online and take a look at these passages on the internet's number one bible source, there is a disclaimer that says:

What does that mean?  That the bible isn't a historically accurate and that things may have gotten added later?  Are people trying to pump up Jesus and credit him with saying things that he never really did?

Bible Trivia: The Hangover

In Genesis 9:18-28, Noah gets drunk and passes out naked.  When his son Ham finds him passed out, he warns his brothers Shem and Japheth, who then carefully cover him without looking at him.  When Noah wakes up, he

A:  apologizes to his sons

B:  apologizes to god

C:  curses his sons Shem and Japheth

D:  curses Ham

 anyone else have a wacky dad?  gets old quick, huh?

 ANSWER:  D

¹⁸ The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham and Japheth. (Ham was the father of Canaan.) ¹⁹ These were the three sons of Noah, and from them came the people who were scattered over the whole earth.
²⁰ Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded^[a] to plant a vineyard. ²¹ When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. ²² Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father naked and told his two brothers outside. ²³ But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s naked body. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father naked.
²⁴ When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, ²⁵ he said,

“Cursed be Canaan!
    The lowest of slaves
    will he be to his brothers.”

²⁶ He also said,

“Praise be to the Lord, the God of Shem!
    May Canaan be the slave of Shem.
²⁷ May God extend Japheth’s^[b] territory;
    may Japheth live in the tents of Shem,
    and may Canaan be the slave of Japheth.”

²⁸ After the flood Noah lived 350 years. ²⁹ Noah lived a total of 950 years, and then he died.

 i told you, i'm a grower!

 Turns out that this passage has been widely discussed and widely disagreed upon among biblical scholars.  

dude, dad, gray hair, gross

You may ask why.  Who cares and whats the point of all of this?  Well, the answer is more insidious than you could possibly imagine.

From Wikipedia:

The story's original objective was to justify the subjection of the Canaanites to the Israelites,^[6] but in later centuries, the narrative was interpreted by some Jews,^[7] Christians and Muslims as a curse of, and an explanation for, black skin.^[8][9] Nevertheless, many Christian denominations strongly disagree with such interpretations due to the fact that in the original biblical text, Ham himself is not cursed and race or skin color is never mentioned, and therefore, out of context in the story of Genesis 9.^[10][11]

 That's right!

This is just one of the many passages that have been used by Christians over the years to justify racism, slavery and oppression of people with dark skin.

Bible Trivia: Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

In Matthew 24:4-14, Jesus explains that earthquakes:

A:  are a sign of the end of the world

B:  are a sign of judgement day

C:  are a sign of the lord's power

D:  are natural events that occur on a planet with a cooling crust

 and luckily no one died...probably.

 ANSWER:  B

⁴ Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. ⁵ For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. ⁶ You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ⁷ Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. ⁸ All these are the beginning of birth pains.
⁹ “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. ¹⁰ At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, ¹¹ and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. ¹² Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, ¹³ but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. ¹⁴ And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

 Birth pains?

to what?

Well no.  Earthquakes are no mystery.  They do not represent judgement day coming.  We know exactly what earthquakes are, why they happen and can even make educated guesses on when they will occur.  

In fact, it has been proven that not only can we monitor them but it's possible to make them.

Bible Trivia: Row, Row, Row Your Boat

In Genesis 7:1-6, god sends flood waters to wipe out his creation.  Noah, his family, and a pair of every animal on the earth board the ark.  At the time Noah was:

A:  250 years old

B:  300 years old

C:  600 years old

D:  950 years old

 where's Noah, can you find him?

 ANSWER:  C

7 The Lord then said to Noah, “Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation. ² Take with you seven pairs of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and one pair of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate, ³ and also seven pairs of every kind of bird, male and female, to keep their various kinds alive throughout the earth. ⁴ Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.”

⁵ And Noah did all that the Lord commanded him.
⁶ Noah was six hundred years old when the floodwaters came on the earth.

 Wholly crap!  600 years old!  And he built an 450 foot boat!

 imagine your grandpa building this

 This boat is huge!  Look at this thing in the history of ship building:

 Now ignoring for the moment that this probably is not a real story and that the laws of physics indicate it's impossible that such a boat could float, just consider his age alone.

 Jiroemon Kimura lived to be 116. 

Noah would have been five times older.  It's seemingly impossible to guess out what Noah must have really looked like at age 600.

 eh, good enough

Bible Trivia: Samsonite! I Was Way Off!

In Judges 15: 3-5, Samson sought revenge on the Philistines by:

A:  killing their first born sons

B:  poisoning their well

C:  sending a herd of pigs to trample their camp

D:  catching 300 foxes, tying them together by the tail, setting their tails on fire, and then releasing them into the fields.

 of course everything in the bible is real!  come on!!!

 ANSWER:  D

³ Samson said to them, “This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines; I will really harm them.” ⁴ So he went out and caught three hundred foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, ⁵ lit the torches and let the foxes loose in the standing grain of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and standing grain, together with the vineyards and olive groves.

 Philistine jerks!  I'll show 'em!

I thought that foxes were sly.  Sammy caught 300 of them?  Did he use traps or what?  He couldn't use one snares that catch their ankle, because he needed them capable of running through the fields.

Maybe Samson was really fast and caught them by hand?  Or he built an elaborate fox catching machine the likes of which had never been seen!

 kinda like that

 Or maybe god helped somehow.  I don't know, it doesn't say.

I was secretly hoping that Mozilla's Firefox browser has something to do with this, but it turns out it is a reference to the red panda.  So now you know.

 and knowing is half the battle!  Go Joe!

Bible Trivia: New Car, Caviar, Four Star Daydream

In Matthew 6:24, during his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that "no man can serve two masters" and specifically stated he meant:

A:  you cannot serve both god and king

B:  you cannot serve both god and your family

C:  you cannot serve both god and your desires

D:  you cannot serve both god and money

Come on, Jesus would have made a great Jedi

ANSWER:  D

²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money

very funny occupy wallstreet jesus, now get back up on the cross

Oh yeah?  Says you!

I bet Jesus didn't expect us to do that!

According to the website that knows everything:
 
"In God we trust" was adopted as the official motto of the United States in 1956 as an alternative or replacement to the unofficial motto of E pluribus unum, adopted when the Great Seal of the United States was created and adopted in 1782."^[1][2]

E pluribus unum was originally stolen from the Brits according to some, and from a gentlmen's magazine in fact.

no, not that type of gentleman's magazine!

So in reality, America should get some credit for creating it's own motto.  Unfortunately, it's completely hypocritical.  The move was first proposed by religious figures and then Secretary of the Treasury Salmon P. Chase in 1863.  

 free soil...like a boss

Over the course of a hundred years or so it was added and removed from money until the cold war, when it was added to all money to help differentiate America from the the atheistic Communist regime they were battling.

 That'll show 'em, Ike!

The actual origin of the phrase now printed on every red cent?

"According to Ted Alexander, Chief Historian at Antietam National Battlefield, "In God We Trust" was used by the 125th Pennsylvania Infantry as a battle cry on September 17, 1862, during the Battle of Antietam".^[9][10]

history is neat!